


My bones are heavy and my soul's a mess

by angi190



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blowjobs, Choking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt!Josh, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Rape, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Smut, Some Fluff, Violence, a lot of people asked for more hurt!Josh and comforting!Tyler so here you go, and graphic, and this is angst again, it starts off pretty dark, its me again, oh and a lot of grammar mistakes, tyler is there to comfort Josh, what a surprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-02 00:02:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8643337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angi190/pseuds/angi190
Summary: Thick fingers squeeze around the nape of his neck and he chokes against the forceful grip, writhing and struggling for air. He can feel the bile rising, can hear the blood rushing in his ears as the grip tightens , head throbbing, eyes popping, lips parting. He wants to pass out. Wants to give in. Air. Please. He needs air.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags before proceeding with this fic. This is probably depressing as hell and badly written but it's 3 am and i have to get up at 4:30 so yeah see you in hell

Thick fingers squeeze around the nape of his neck and he chokes against the forceful grip, writhing and struggling for air. He can feel the bile rising, can hear the blood rushing in his ears as the grip tightens , head throbbing, eyes popping, lips parting. He wants to pass out. Wants to give in. Air. Please. He needs air.

The stranger gazes down at him, calm and steady as he stares at his prize, thumb tracing softly along the line of Josh’s jaw. He watches him struggle for air, slowly submitting to the punishment, slowly giving in to the situation. Just as Josh is about to pass out from lack of air the man releases his grip and he’s gasping, gulping for air repeatedly and slumping weakly against the man’s legs.

His memories from the night are absolute blur and Josh finds it difficult to tell how he ended up on his knees in front of a complete stranger. He remembers partying with friends, going to a friend’s friend house and drinking some beer. He must’ve drunk a lot of beer because from that point on everything in his head was a complete mess.  Or they put something in his drink, which is more likely considering how confused and groggy Josh feels.  His limbs feel lazy and too heavy, brain foggy and slow, eyes barely opened to see the man towering over him and stroking his hair. He remembers wearing a snapback before he woke up in this strange place so they must’ve taken it off which pisses him off for some reason and he makes a feeble attempt to pull away from the hand.  Which is obviously a mistake, because one – his limbs don’t work properly and he can’t actually move away and two – it makes whoever is holding him by the hair mad because suddenly the same hand slaps him painfully on the face.

“Stand fucking still, slut “ a firm voice commands from above and Josh freezes at the coldness of the tone. His brain is fuzzy but it still catches the threat there and his body stills, afraid of more violence.

Something touches his neck and it sends a surge of panic through his bones, but he doesn’t fight it, held still by the hand in his hair.  Something hard and cold is fastened around his bruised flesh and Josh shivers, disoriented and dizzy.

Suddenly he’s being dragged somewhere, knees scraping on the hard floor, palms sliding over the tiles, limbs uncoordinated and too slow. He half crawls, half lets himself be dragged through something that looks like a corridor and then he’s being pushed through a door.

The loud music hits him first when he’s brought roughly to the center of the room, then he notices all the people crowding the place. It looks like a party. People surround him, looking at him with lust and hunger laced in their eyes which terrifies Josh. The man holding him up must’ve let go because he slumps to the ground like a puppet whose strings has been cut.  He lies there in the middle of the room, naked and still, dribbling slightly from the corner of his mouth, utterly terrified of what he suspects is about to happen.

-

“Get the fuck up” barks one of them, dark eyes flashing down at him and he tries, he really does but the drug he must be on is still thick in his system and he can’t.  The man kicks him in the stomach and Josh coughs and gasps, limbs still too heavy to cooperate. Two other people lift him by the hands and he’s kneeling, face pressing into the groin of the man in front of him.

“Open your mouth” another command by the cold voice and Josh opens his mouth, scared they will choke him again if he doesn’t. A dick is being shoved down his throat, the salty smell making him recoil back and bile rises in his throat once more. A hand is gripping the back of his head, making his escape impossible. He relaxes his jaw, letting himself be used while the said dick hits his throat with no care for Josh, who struggles breathe. 

His drugged brain only registers the warm semen tickling down his throat and out of his mouth, signaling that the man is done with him.  Another one takes his place and shoves his dick down his throat which is already sore from rough use. Josh is terrified by how many men are filling the room and how many of them he will have to service. Probably all of them. The only positive thought that crosses his hazy mind is that at least they aren’t doing something more, something that could make his night a lot worse. 

Josh is not sure how many people come in his mouth but by the time he regains some kind of consciousness his jaw hurts like hell and his mouth is filled with a bitter and nasty taste. He’s still on the ground, his knees probably bruised from keeping this position for too long if the pain is any sign. He already feels a little more aware of himself, a little more awake which brings tears to his tightly shut eyes.  He’s being violated, forced to do things he doesn’t want to do and there’s no way he can get away, nobody to ask for help. His nakedness is suddenly very stark and uncomfortable and makes him feel vulnerable and weak.  His hands instinctively move in front of him, attempting to cover his groin but someone ts’ks at him and slaps his face.

“ Who told you you can cover yourself, slut ?” the man asks and slaps Josh again who moves his hands away and opens his eyes that sting with tears.  “Did I tell you to cover yourself ? “ he growls at him and Josh shakes his head, while his entire body starts shaking as well. He’s scared, oh he’s so scared. “ Bend him over the sofa” he barks at someone and there are two pairs of hands on him again, ,moving him towards the sofa with almost no effort.

He’s bent over the side of the couch, knees pushing into the wooden base of it while the side handle is digging into his ribs. He’s holding himself up with his hands, but they are being twisted behind his back and he ends up face first on the cushions.  Something cold encircles his wrists, binding him together and Josh panics, pulling on the restraints only to feel the metal dig into his skin. Suddenly the leather around his throat feels heavy and he’s aware of the collar and the chain that hangs from it, making him feel like a chained up animal. 

The sound of a zipper being pulled down brings him back to reality with a crash and panic once again fills his veins.

“Please” he manages to whisper, drugs slowly wearing off, bringing back his ability to speak. “ P-please don’t do this “ he sounds pathetic to his own ears, voice so frightened it could belong to a little kid instead of a grown man.

“ Shut up”  a sharp slap lands on his bare ass and makes him cry out, body pushing further into the side of the sofa where he’s bent over. Another slap follows and Josh screams again, more from humiliation and fear rather than pain. He’s scared, no longer drugged out of his mind and the fear is creeping up on him, from his toes all the way to the tips of his fingers.  The man spits on his exposed hole and Josh feels the saliva tickling down his balls and drip to the floor, making him shudder. The next moment something blunt is pushing into his entrance, not caring when Josh starts to writhe and struggle, not stopping when he howls in pain and fear.

It feels like he’s being spilt open, the cock that pushes inside of him is too thick and dry and feels  _huge._  Gritting his teeth and biting his tongue does little to subdue the horrible pain that ripples through him whenever the man inside of him moves and Josh feels like he could definitely die from this.  He would be literally fucked to death, bleeding in the middle of a room full of people and no one would care that he’s dying.

His mother’s words ring through his head, the last word he heard from her when he moved out of his home town and his parent’s house for good.  “ You know how you’re going to end up  Joshua ? Face down in some deserted ally, drunk or drugged and abandoned.  You’ve never done anything right in your life.  You are one big failure” and God she was so right about him. He never did anything right, he always messed things up. Always. Always.

He should’ve never went to that party with the friend he barely knew. He should’ve trusts his instincts, screaming at him that something was wrong and he should turn away.  He should’ve called his friend, his only friend Mark to pick him up after he started feeling funny, instead of taking the offer of staying at the house and “sleep it off”. He knew something was off, but as usual he never trusted his gut , never did anything right. And now here he was, being fucked and used in front of a crowd of people who probably planned on fucking and using him too. The hopelessness of the situation hit him so hard he started crying, tears and snot wetting his face , sobs racking his abused body.

People took turns on him, taking him dry, fucking him rough and fast and with no end in sight. The drugs have completely worn off by the time people started leaving and Josh was in so much pain he couldn’t move an inch from his bent over position.  When the last person pulled out of him and zipped his pants Josh could feel blood seeping out of him, mixing with all the come that’s been dumped inside. Nothing follows for a couple of minutes and when he finally dares to open his eyes he sees a mostly empty room and faint light seeping through the curtains. It’s morning. 

Slumping down to the ground Josh whimpers, his abused body protesting at the sudden change of position , his scraped knees dragging across the ground painfully.  There’s blood all over the side of the sofa where he’s been bent for what must’ve been hours, already drying and almost reaching the ground where it tickled down. The sight makes his stomach twist with fear of how badly he’s been hurt.  The pain has already indicated that it’s bad but the generous amount of blood only confirms his fears.

By the time he finds his bearings everyone’s gone except for the man who brought him there.  He’s gathering some stuff from the ground, drugs and personal belongings until his eyes land on Josh. He lowers his eyes instantly, terrified that the man will hurt him again and cowers away when the man makes a couple of steps towards him.

“ Dirty fucking slut” he mumbles and grabs the frightened Josh by the hair “ I always have to take care out the trash “ he adds and drags him by the hair towards the big double doors, then keeps tugging until they make their way through the corridor Josh remembers seeing when they brought him here and then he’s out on the freezing street. His hands are beinh uncuffed from behind his back and the large man roughly shoves him on the ground and throws his t-shirt and underwear on top of him like they’re contagious.

Josh is shocked and in too much pain to react, so he clings to the pieces of clothing being thrown at him and prays that the man will finally leave him alone. He does, with one final kick to Josh’s stomach and after spitting on him he loads himself into the nearby parked car and drives away.

Josh is left all alone, naked and freezing on the asphalt, with no idea where he is or where to go for that matter.  His home is a shitty room he’s renting on the bad side of Cincinnati where he lives alone, but God he doesn’t want to be alone at the moment. His only friend – Mark is out of town with his girlfriend and the thought of having only one person to call a friend brings down on him an unbearable weight of loneliness. Since he came out to his peers and parents a few years ago he’s been pretty lonely, most of his friends turning away from him after learning he was gay.  His family didn’t take it too well either so he had to move out of his home town and look for a new place to live where people didn’t judge him by his sexuality.  Josh dyed his hair blue and pierced his ears and nose, tattooed his body and did his best to change his appearance so that people would take him more seriously.  Whenever he went home most of his old friends didn’t recognize him and his father wouldn’t even talk to him, claiming he looked like Satan.  Josh liked that.

The only person who didn’t turn away from Josh when he admitted to being different was Tyler, his old friend from high school that Josh hasn’t seen since moving out of Columbus. Tyler would call him every once in a while, never missing a birthday or a Christmas. Last time they talked, his old friend told him he was moving to Cincinnati as well,  even gave him the address of his new house. Josh never had the courage to go and find Tyler, afraid he’d see him with piercings and dyed hair and turn away, no longer wanting to be his friend.  But Tyler is his only friend at the moment, a friend who calls him more often than his own mother and asks him if he’s okay when nobody else on this planet cares.

-

When Josh finally manages to pull on his shorts and t-shirt he’s in agony, having to move his wrecked body when it screams for him to stop. Thankfully he isn’t bleeding anymore and the t-shirt is long enough to cover his upper thighs that are smeared with blood. He has no clue how he’s going to get to Tyler’s place because walking sounds like absolute torture at the moment, but his phone and wallet are gone so he can’t call him or pay for cab. So he walks.

It’s excruciating and slow as he limps down the pavement, hugging his middle and focusing on not passing out from exhaustion and pain. Tyler doesn’t live too far, Josh realizes after he finds his bearings, but it’s still a long walk to his house with how slowly he’s forced to walk.  Tyler could be out. He could be working or there could be someone else at his house at the moment.  Showing up in this condition, beaten and bleeding isn’t the perfect introduction. There’s a high risk of Tyler actually sending him away after he sees how knocked out he looks, but Josh pushes that thought aside. His friend has always been kind and considerate so he probably wouldn’t slam the door in his face. On the other hand Josh has learned to expect anything and hope for nothing so there’s that too.

Josh considers lying down on the street to rest, because he’s so tired he can’t see straight, but that wouldn’t help his situation. It’s freezing and he hasn’t eaten anything in at least 24 hours. If he lies down now he’d probably die on the street, either from hypothermia or blood loss or something.  So he walks until he reaches the end of the street where Tyler’s house is supposed to be. It looks nice and small, with a little garden in front and Josh checks the street and number again before approaching the white painted door with trembling knees.  He’s on the very verge of passing out, colors and sounds already blurring into one big mess around him.  Everything from his chest down hurts like hell, especially his intestines that feel like someone has set them on fire.  He leans on the door, attempting to balance himself and knocks a couple of times before his eyes close and he waits. 

Nobody answers for a couple of seconds and Josh knocks again, his ears catching the sound of piano playing in the background. It abruptly stops after he knocks again and there’s shuffling on the other side of the door before it swings open, slipping out from underneath Josh’s limp body and he falls. He lands straight on Tyler who squeaks in surprise but catches him before he could fall down on the ground. Everything is blurring again, like he’s been drugged , but he hears Tyler say his name with voice laced with shock and concern.

“Josh ? Oh my God, Josh is this you ? What happened? “ he keeps talking, but Josh is too far gone to answer. All he manages is “ Please” and “help “ before the overwhelming need to pass out takes over and he falls into the black abyss of unconsciousness.

-

When Tyler has the blue haired boy slumped in his arms he barely recognizes his high school crush in this badly abused young man. His hair is no longer brown and curly, it’s dyed electric blue instead and shaved at the sides. Both his ears have gauges and his nose is pierced  , painting a picture of a rebel, of someone who desperately didn’t want to be himself. Tyler panics and kicks the door closed, dragging Josh’s limp body down to the bathroom deciding there’s too much blood to leave him on the couch in the living room. What the hell happened to his old friend ? Why was he covered in blood and terrified out of his mind ? Someone must’ve hurt him pretty badly and Tyler’s heart twists painfully with sadness at the thought.

When they finally make it to the bathroom Tyler gently lowers Josh’s limp body on the floor under the shower and proceeds in taking his clothes off. This triggers a reaction from the unconscious boy who suddenly starts moving and trying to wiggle out of Tyler’s gasp.

“ No, no please don’t make me, I can’t “ he forces out and Tyler stops touching him altogether, scared by what he just heard “ Not again, please, not again “ he keeps babbling, hands helplessly clutching the t-shirt close to his body.

“ Josh, I don’t know what happened to you, but you’re safe now. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to “ Tyler tries to calm the panicking boy down “ It’s Tyler, remember me ? “

“ Tyler ?” Josh opens his eyes, the warm chlorate color makes Tyler melt for some reason. He remembers gazing into those eyes, years ago when he slowly fell for Josh back when they studied together. He never admitted to liking the other boy though, he’d never had the courage to do it.  His heart is aching right now, seeing the fear flashing in those eyes, mixing with something raw and painful. Shame. There’s a lot of shame there. “ Tyler, I’m sorry … “ Josh says quietly and closes his eyes “ I’m sorry you have to see me like this, I just. .. I just have no one else “  he admits and a sob escapes his throat.

“ No, don’t apologize .. can you tell me what happened ? I should probably take you to the hospital, you look pretty roughed up. I don’t think I can help you much at home “ Tyler says and Josh snaps his eyes open, more fear visible there

“No, please, please, don’t take me there “ He says and clings to Tyler’s arms “ I don’t want them to touch me, not now, not after … “ he trailed off, burying his head in both hands.

“ Okay, okay, I just … can I wash you at least ? There seems to be blood on your legs and I can’t do anything until I wash it away and see how badly you’re hurt” Tyler tries again and Josh lifts his head, face painted red with shame

“ My legs are  not hurt….it’s…it’s not them bleeding “ he says and makes Tyler blink with confusion.

“ Okay .. “ he says slowly, fearing the worst “ Okay , but you still need to get all of this blood off you. Can you do it yourself?

“ Yeah, I think so “ Josh mumbles and looks down “ I really do appreciate you helping me. Thank you, Tyler “ he finishes and Tyler is left a little bit speechless. Whatever happened to the blue haired boy has shaken him visibly, the bruises all over his neck and wrists telling a terrifying story. He wasn’t the kind of person to push someone into talking so he smiles kindly and touches Josh’s cheek

“ It’s okay, you’re no bother , honestly. I would actually not mind some company right now “ he admits and Josh looks a little bit hopeful at his words. “ I’ll bring you a towel and a change of clothes, I think some of my stuff will fit you just fine “ Tyler adds and gets up “ Are you sure you’re fine to shower on your own ? “

“ Yeah, I think so “ Josh doesn’t seem too sure, but he probably doesn’t want to undress in front of someone else right now so Tyler leaves him be.

He busies himself with preparing some mint tea while Josh showers, fishing some clothes and towels in the meantime and leaving them outside of the shower cabin. It takes the blue haired boy almost 30 minutes to finish up in the shower and Tyler is pretty worried by the end of it. To his huge relief Josh finally shuffles slowly into the living room, looking a little bit better after a warm shower, but the marks on his skin are still painful looking.

“ Hey, how was shower ? Feeling better ? “ Tyler asks, motioning for Josh to sit down on the soft sofa.

“Yeah, thank you “ the other boy answers and slowly sits down and starts playing with the sleeves of the shirt that are way too long for his arms. “ I don’t know how to thank you “ he mumbles and looks up at Tyler who brings to mugs of warm tea and sets them on the table.

“ You don’t need to thank me, Josh. We’re friends remember? Friends are supposed to help each other “ he says and sits down on the sofa, but leaving a safe distance between him and Josh.

“ I kinda left without saying goodbye and all. I didn’t think you’d still consider me your friend after I … came out “ Josh answers and looks uncomfortable. “ I mean who would want a gay friend in a Christian town ? “

“ I always knew thought “ Tyler admits , because he’d always seen the hints that Josh isn’t really into girls. He never had a girlfriend, never showed any interest in other girls even after he hit puberty and hung out mostly in male company. “ I mean I didn’t  _know,_  but I guessed. And I’m perfectly fine with that “ Tyler reassures Josh who looks a little surprised and a little more red than a minute ago.

“Was it that obvious?”  Josh asks, fiddling with the cup in his hands.

“ To me yeah. I mean … I’ve never really been straight either, so it wasn’t difficult for me to figure it out “ Tyler admits and blushes himself. Josh looks up at him and there’s something resembling interest in his eyes, although it’s quickly pushed aside by shame.

“You’re gay too ? “ Josh sounds bewildered

“ Have been all my life “ Tyler confirms and smiles at Josh who looks away “Although I wish I was as brave as you. I never had the courage to admit it to my family so I ran away from them instead. I think they know anyways “ Tyler shrugged and sipped from his cup of steaming tea “ I mean I never brought a girl home in my entire 18 years of life back there. I wanted to tell my parents many times, but every time I gathered the courage I backed away. What you did was brave, Josh. I admire you for that “ the blue haired boy smiled bitterly and scooted further into the pillows behind him.

“ Yeah some bravery that was. My parents stopped talking to me and nobody wanted to sit next to me at school “ Josh says , the bitter smile now turned into a sad thin line “ I wish I would’ve just kept my mouth shut sometimes. My parents hate me and … I don’t have anyone else. I don’t have anyone “ the sentence ends with wavering and breaking voice that makes Tyler want to hug Josh tightly and tell him everything will be alright. The other boy chose to be brave and honest and now he’s paying the price for that. There’s some sort of honor in doing that, something worth respecting Tyler thought.

“ Hey, I’m here “ Tyler says and moves closer to Josh who doesn’t move away. He carefully sets his hand on the other boy’s arm and slowly caresses the warm skin there  “ You’re not completely alone you know. I’m here. I know it’s not much, but … “ he trails off , watching Josh lean into his touch like he’s starved for affection and gentleness.

“ It means a lot to me “ Josh answers and turns to Tyler, mocha eyes shining in the dim living room lights. They’re sitting inches apart, looking into each other’s eyes and Tyler holds his breath, waiting for Josh to make some kind of move. Josh does move, closing the distance between them and buries his face in Tyler’s chest, both hands closing around his middle. Tyler hugs back, pressing the blue haired boy close to him and feels him tremble.

Josh hugs him tighter in return, drags his face from Tyler’s chest to his collarbone and breathes warm air there, making the brunette shudder from the feeling.  It’s wrong, feeling aroused at the moment when his friend needs to be taken care of and consoled, not sexualized, but his body wants and it wants  _bad._ Josh is sniffling quietly, his face slightly wet which alarms Tyler who pulls away to see tears in the warm eyes that refuse to look at him.

“ Josh ? “ Tyler says, not sure how to ask what happened to him that left him so fragile, so hurting “

“ Please” Josh whispers in return,  leaning into Tyler’s body once again to press a kiss to his neck, licking at the tender skin there.

“Josh, wait, wait “ Tyler tries, but the other boy doesn’t listen and his own body longs for the contact so badly he doesn’t have the strength to pull away.

The warm lips ghost over the vein at the side of his neck and nibble at his jaw, slowly inching towards his lips where they stop, hovering an inch apart.

“ Please don’t reject me “ Josh whispers , his breath warm and alluring where it tickles Tyler’s lips “ Please” he repeats and presses his lips to Tyler’s and they feel dry and slightly chapped but so warm and firm it makes him part his own lips and let Josh explore his mouth. He couldn’t reject the fragile boy in his arms, didn’t think he could handle it at the moment. But it still bothers him how bruised he is, how badly hurt he looks and the reason behind it.

Feeling braver from not being rejected Josh moves slowly and straddles Tyler’s hips who doesn’t miss the wince on Josh’s face when he has to part his legs.

“Hey, easy “ Tyler rubbs his hands over the other boy’s shoulders and chest, trying to sooth him. There was something urging in the way Josh kissed his neck, his hair and the side of his face, edging on desperate. It felt like he can burst out crying any moment or just fall completely apart from the gentlest push.

Josh shakes his head and crashes their lips again , only this time it’s not slow or gentle. It’s aggressive and messy and Tyler’s head spins from the sensation. Josh is making sounds, tiny desperate whimpers that go straight to Tyler’s dick. He lets his hands roam over the warm body in his lap, caressing the boy’s back and sides , feeling the taut muscles underneath respond to his touch. When his hands stop at  his hips Josh jerks forward, making another desperate sound , only this time it sounds more fearful than excited.

“Josh, slow down “ Tyler tries to speak before he’s too far gone , although his voice shakes “ Josh, look at me “ the blue haired boy does look up and there’s so many emotions there it’s almost impossible to tell them apart. There’s fear, no ,  _terror_  there, laced with desperation and longing for something that blurs into lust. Josh is shaking all over, body overwhelmed from fighting all of these emotions while it’s still exhausted from the obvious abuse it has suffered.

“ You don’t have to do this “ Tyler says and sees the tears make their way down Josh’s cheeks.

“ I don’t want to feel … their-their hands all over me “ he says and more tears slide out of his eyes “ Please, Tyler, please , I still feel.. I .. I-I don’t want to feel them “ Tyler feels the pain cripple his insides, feels the anger at whoever hurt Josh rise in his throat. He has been dreaming about seeing him again. He has been trying to stay in touch as much and possible and even moved to the same town Josh moved to, just to be closer to him. But this.. this is definitely a lot more painful than he’d anticipated it to be.

He reaches up and wipes the tears from Josh’s face then pulls him gently down and kisses his temple, tracing his damp cheeks with his lips.

“You’ll be okay, I promise “ he whispers and keeps kissing until their lips once again crash together. It’s salty and wet, but Tyler doesn’t mind. Josh is completely limp in his arms, soothed by the gentleness of his kisses and words. “ I’m here, I’ll take care of you” he says between kisses and feels Josh shudder and shake in response.

He gently flips them over , lays the blue haired boy on his back and climbs on top of him , careful not to press into his body too much. He’s not sure whether Josh is hurt in other places apart from his neck and wrists that are covered in black and blue spots. Josh breathes heavy underneath him, his body trembling slightly in anticipation and maybe a hint of fear.  Tyler doesn’t make him wait, instead he lowers himself and starts kissing his bruised neck, paying attention to each mark separately. The shirt is getting in his way so he gently pulls at it and whispers “ Is it okay if I take this off ?” and waits for josh to nod before he slides it up his body, revealing an array of black and blue all over his sides and hips.

 When the piece of fabric is on the ground Tyler trails the bruised skin with his mouth, kissing it so gently it barely registers on Josh’s skin. When his mouth travels to his ribs where finger shaped bruises are imprinted in the pale skin he hears a giggle and stops, looking up in surprise. Josh is laughing with this cute little laugh that could melt the entire ice on the South pole.

“ Ticklish “ he says and giggles again when Tyler traces his ribs with his tongue, feeing the tender skin shake with fits of laughter. It’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard and he never wants to stop hearing it. And the way Josh’s eyes crinkle at the sides is so adorable it makes him lean his face into the other boy’s chest and lay it down, just to hear his heart beat fast deep inside. He sighs and trails his hands lower, where the sweatpants hang low on Josh’s jutting hipbones.  He receives a shudder and a moan when his hand dips under the fabric and caresses the warm skin there, right underneath his happy trail.

Sliding his body lower, Tyler pulls the sweatpants down Josh’s sharp hipbones and kisses the bruises there too, one by one until all of them are covered in kisses. Josh moans and lifts his hips slightly to let Tyler pull his sweatpants the rest of the way down and reveal his growing hard-on.

“ You’re beautiful “ Tyler murmurs into the pale skin of his thighs and they tremble “ So beautiful “ he needs to say it, otherwise he feels like he’ll explode. Josh is all hard muscle and pale skin, his perfectly sculptured body in stark contrast with the softness the boy carries inside.

“ No “ Josh shakes his head and covers his face in his tattooed forearm.

“Yes” Tyler counters him and keeps kissing his hips and inner thighs “ You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. I’ve had a huge crush on you since high school “ he admits and Josh looks down at him disbelieving. “ You don’t realize how beautiful you are, do you ? “

“ ‘m not “ Josh mumbles and glances down at his naked body “ I’m damaged “

“ No, Josh , I don’t believe that “ Tyler says , suddenly feeling desperate to prove the other boy wrong “ These bruises, they’ll heal “ he kisses his hips again where the bruises seem most present , like he wants to help them heal “ I promise “ he says and trails his lips down, biting down at the waistband of his boxers. “ Let me show you “ he all but begs and looks up to see Josh’s face wet with tears again. He nods thought and lays his head back against the pillow and slowly rocks his hips up to draw Tyler’s attention.

Tyler smiles and rubs Josh’s erection with one hand, feeling it grow and harden underneath his fingers. He just wants to make the blue haired boy feel good, to help him forget about the pain he experienced and show him he could still feel good. He deserves it after all.

Pulling Josh’s boxers off makes him gasp and raise his hips off the couch and Tyler takes the opportunity to kiss the area around his cock as gently as he’s been kissing the rest of him. The hair at the base tickles his face and Tyler smiles, looking up at Josh who has his forearm thrown over his eyes, panting and absolutely gorgeous. He hasn’t done anything, hasn’t touched him properly yet and he’s already a mess. It’s fascinating.

Tyler takes it slow. He teases a little, licking slowly at the underside until Josh is leaking and looks absolutely debauched. When he takes him completely in his mouth he doesn’t rush, instead he enjoys the salty taste of precum on his tongue, the shivers that run up and down the slender body underneath him whenever he does something especially good, indulges in the sweet sounds Josh makes because he can’t help himself. It’s all so good Tyler is hard himself, painfully so, which makes him rut against Josh’s stretched out leg. The friction feels amazing so he sucks harder and faster, feeling his own orgasm approaching fast. Josh moans louder and clutches the fabric underneath him with white knuckles, like he’s going to fly into space if he lets go.

“T-Tyler “ Josh sounds absolutely breathless , like he’s drowning or choking “ I’m gonna come “ it’s a warning for Tyler to pull off if he wants to, but that’s the last thing on Earth he wants.

“ Come for me “ he says instead, licking at the swollen head with his tongue and teasing the slit until white warm liquid seeps out of there in long pulsing streams. He sucks Josh back into his mouth to work him through his orgasm and keeps going until he’s soft and spent.

Tyler’s own orgasm hits him seconds later, when the furious rutting pushes him over the edge and he’s gasping, head buried in the juncture between Josh’s thigh and his hip. They’re both panting and sweaty, Tyler lets his fingers dance all over the other boy’s skin wherever they can reach while they come off their high.

“ You didn’t have to do that “ comes a terribly fragile voice from above and Tyler frowns.

“I wanted to” he says and raises slowly from in between Josh’s spread legs. He tries to push them back together, but winces and drops his head back on the pillow. “ I didn’t do it because I had to “ Tyler ads and sits up to see Josh hiding his face with his arm again.

“ I’m just not used to being on the receiving end of  blowjob “ Josh says, his voice slightly muffled by his hand.

“ Well get used to it cause I loved blowing you “ Tyler crawls up Josh’s body and gently brackets his hips with his own legs, removing the hand from the other boy’s face.

“Hey, don’t hide from me “ Tyler says gently and kisses the tattooed hand , inspecting the beautiful colors covering the freckled skin “ Didn’t it feel good ? “

“ No.. I mean yeah it felt amazing, but ... I didn’t deserve that , Tyler. “

“ Listen.. I can see that something bad happened to you … “ Tyler starts and sees how Josh scrunches his face in pain at the thought “ but I don’t care what it was okay ? It wouldn’t change what I think about you or the way I see you. If you want to tell me – I will listen to you and do my best to help you deal with it … but if you don’t it’s okay. All I want is to help you heal , Josh. I want you to let me help you. “

“But why ? Why do you care so much when we haven’t even seen each other since high school and the last time we talked was months ago ? “ Josh asks, voice wavering slightly and he sounds so defeated, so ready to give up.

“ I always cared “ Tyler answers and gets off Josh, feeling the cooling come stick to his underwear in a very uncomfortable matter. He sits down on the ground next to the sofa and catches Josh wincing when he reaches down to pull his own underwear and sweatpants up. “ That didn’t change just because you moved away or because you did your best to ignore me, even after I moved to the same city you live “ he adds quietly while Josh struggles to sit up behind him.

“ That’s why you gave me a blowjob ? Because you care about me ? “ Josh asks bitterly

“ I let you into my house and gave you my clothes and a place to stay. I did  _that_  because I care about you “ Tyler answers and sighs, wondering how badly Josh must’ve been treated by his exes that made it necessary to explain things like  _this._   “ I sucked you off because I like you. And because I can tell nobody has taken care of you in a long time. I wanted to take care of you, to make you feel good “ Tyler tries to explain, but Josh still looks disbelieving.

“So you feel sorry for me. That’s why you took care of me, isn’t it ? Because you pity me ? “ Josh says and tries to rearrange his body so nothing is pressing against his bruises.

“ No, it’s not pity. I told you – I like you. I’ve had a crush on you in high school that turned into something more as time went by. But you never gave me the chance to show you that “ shame once again creeps on Josh’s features and he looks down, fingers tracing the bruises on his wrists.

“ You might’ve liked who I was back then, but trust me, I’m not that innocent Christian boy anymore. I mean I guess you can tell by now “ Josh says and motions to his badly bruised body.

“ I doubt that you did this to yourself “ Tyler says and Josh trebles slightly

“ I kinda did… you know by being stupid and careless “ Josh says and pulls his knees up to his chest. “ I knew I shouldn’t have went there … “ he trails off, shaking his head slightly “ I knew I’d get myself into trouble but I still went. I went to that party and let them drug me … and then .. “ Josh swallows what seems like a bile in his throat and blinks a few times.

“ Somebody drugged you ? Against your will ? “ This was even worse than Tyler had anticipated. Getting drugged can leave you completely helpless and defenseless, absolutely unable to protect yourself. It’s the worst thing that can happen to a person and Tyler wishes it never happened to Josh.

“Yeah “ he whispers and drags both hands up his face and into his vibrant blue hair “ They slipped something in my drink without me noticing. I felt dizzy at some point, but I just thought it was the alcohol “

“ Did you know the people who drugged you ? “  Tyler asks feeling more and more sick by the minute

“ No. I went to this party with this guy I barely know at all and the people there were all drugged or getting high … it was stupid, so stupid “ Josh shakes his head and sniffles quietly. “ After I passed out they must’ve taken me somewhere else because I woke up in a completely  unfamiliar place with someone I’ve never seen in my life “ Tyler can feel the other boy getting more and more upset and regrets asking. It’s probably too soon to talk about it.  He tries to imagine waking up drugged and frightened, all alone with people who wanted to hurt him. It must’ve been absolute hell.

“ I’m really sorry, Josh “ Tyler whispers and stretches up on his knees to take Josh’s hand in his. “ This is not your fault. You couldn’t have known they will drug you, this is so SO wrong “ he says and Josh squeezes his hand harder, like he’s trying to hold on to Tyler’s words and believe them.

“ I tried to fight them, but I couldn’t I-I.. my body wouldn’t listen to me “ Josh says, face crumpling up and fresh tears running down his face. He’s shaking so hard his teeth clatter and the entire sofa is shaking with him. Tyler moves closer, hugs his middle and hopes that his presence could make things at least a little bit more bearable

“It wasn’t your fault “ Tyler repeats and Josh sobs, shaking his head. He’s sliding down to the ground where Tyler is sitting and leans into him, letting Tyler lie him down and cradle Josh’s head in his lap. “ It wasn’t Josh, okay ? “

The blue haired boy clutches to his shirt and cries, overcome with grief and shame. Tyler wishes he could take those away , but can’t do more than hold Josh close and whisper promises of better days to come in his ear.

 

Josh doesn’t stop crying for what seems like hours, until his voice is hoarse and his throat is sore.  The memories from last night are alive in his head and he even remembers details his drugged up brain has missed. He remembers more unfamiliar faces, more dicks in his mouth, more people calling him a slut and a nothing but a hole to fuck, he remembers being choked by the leash he had on his neck and remembers someone pissing on top of his almost lifeless body. Details he never wanted to remember, but they still come, still crash down on him in painful waves. Crying does nothing but make his head hurt and his eyes sting. It doesn’t make anything better, doesn’t bring any sort of relief. He can’t stop remembering and can’t stop crying and it’s all too much, it’s just too much. Tyler’s hands are wrapped around his chest and he can’t breathe, feels trapped and suffocated and terrified. He doesn’t want to be touched, but this is Tyler, it’s the person who helped him when he really needed It and had no one else to turn to. He would never hurt Josh. Not him, not Tyler.

He kept the other boy awake all night with his crying and it makes him feel guilty , but also endlessly grateful because no one has done that for him ever before. No one has been so gentle and careful with him before. Tyler told him he has been crushing on him for years, but how was that possible? How did Josh not notice that ? God he has been so stupid, avoiding the brunette and not seeing how amazing he is, how good of a person he is. Only if they started seeing each other earlier maybe Josh wouldn’t have made all of the mistakes he did make, maybe he wouldn’t have ended up fucked by God knows how many people and then thrown out on the street like he's worth nothing at all. Tyler is different. Tyler will help him. 

 They lay curled up around each other until the next morning when they both take shower, Tyler helping Josh along because he's still in too much pain to walk on his own. Then, the brunette prepares them breakfast and coffee, treating Josh with his favorite food and makes his coffee just the way he likes. He tells Josh that he should stay at his house while he recovers both physically and emotionally from what happened and the blue haired boy agrees, because he doesn't want to be alone, but mostly because he's falling in love with the other boy helplessly.

Josh stays at Tyler's for a week, which turns to two and then to three. They get along so well it’s almost hard to believe. Tyler invites him to live with him to which he agrees easily and barely requires any persuasion.  Tyler’s the only person who makes him feel safe. The only person or thing or even place for that matter that makes him feel at home. 

Josh stops going to parties, he stops drinking and he starts rehearsing with Tyler on piano and him on the drums that he almost forgot how to play since he stopped doing it in high school.  It turns out they make quite the team together, creating their own music that sounds exactly how Josh would imagine his music would sound if he was in a band. He stops thinking about that night, the one before he went to look for Tyler, but it still gives him nightmares almost every night.  It still haunts him in his dreams and in his sleep, plaguing his mind with images and feelings he’s desperately trying to suppress. Tyler is always there though, to hold him and tell him he loves him and everything will be okay. Everything will be okay.

His bones feel heavy and his soul’s a mess, but he’s still here and he’s still breathing. Savaged, damaged, but still breathing, still fighting.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the ending was too rushed BUT JESUS CHRIST I STRUGGLE WITH ENDINGS SO MUCH ????
> 
> Anyways it would help knowing what you guys think.   
> This was kind of a prompt from Tumblr so if you have any ideas or requestis, let me know k ?
> 
> This is my Tumblr [i-m-a-goner-takeitslow](http://i-m-a-goner-takeitslow.tumblr.com/)


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